Play 'the sex talk' with your child... Breathe

Television series have exploited the scene ad nauseam: on one side is the adolescent who begins a love relationship (or something similar). On the other side are her parents who, given the imminence of their offspring starting to have sex, decide to have 'the talk' with them. All seasoned with hot flashes, nerves, discomfort...

Laila Pilgren, a sexologist and mother, explains that the first mistake in this scene is that 'the talk' should really be an ongoing conversation with the children that began long before adolescence. "If you've waited until you're 15, you're already late," she says.

Precisely tomorrow Pilgren, director of 'La otra educación', will dictate the workshop in Tarragona «Play 'the talk' with my adolescent children... And I don't know where to start». It will be at 6:30 p.m. at the Sant Salvador Civic Center.

Talks like the ones held tomorrow in community centers, schools and institutes have served to confirm that the adults who today face 'the talk' with their children "have not received sexual education and are very lost."

lots of small talk

One of the great doubts of parents when talking about sexuality is knowing the age to start. One of the frequent fears is to get ahead and give information about something that the boy or girl is not thinking about.

In this sense, the expert assures that there is no need to fear, “children are not going to have more conflicts or be more sexually active because we give them information... It is as if you were talking to a three-year-old about molecules; That's not why he's going to become a scientist... If the information doesn't matter to him, the most possible thing is that he ignores it ».

And it is that "either you get ahead or you are in tow," he says. She remembers that sexuality covers many important topics such as consent that should begin to be discussed with a five-year-old. One of the things that they should be taught when they are little is to call the parts of their body by name and to know that they can decide who touches their body and which parts can be touched.

He points out that it is a mistake to think that adolescent sexuality is like that of adults. He gives the example of 'sexting' (sending sexual, erotic or pornographic messages). "At twelve years old, many already have a mobile phone and they may be sending each other more or less erotic messages... It is one of the things that have to be discussed beforehand, they have to know the pros and cons," he advises.

He is of the opinion that if they wait to speak at the moment in which they are suspected of having sex, there are previous moments such as masturbation, changes in their own body, ways of communicating assertively or sexual orientation, which will have been overlooked. «Being present in these issues is crucial to create complicity; that children understand that you are the adult of reference, the person to turn to if they have doubts or a problem.

Nor is it worth trusting everything to the sexual education they receive at school (and which claims that it should be comprehensive). "Every family has its set of values ​​and this issue is very important."

Finally, he says that children must be offered material appropriate to their age. And, when we don't know what to say, explain to them: «as an adult I don't have all the answers, but I look for them for you and I give them to you.

The workshop

Tomorrow at 6:30 p.m. the San Salvador Civic Center (Av. dels Pins, s/n) will host the workshop Touch “the talk” with my adolescent children... and I don't know where to start, aimed at mothers and fathers.